


out of range

by bai_solo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Feels, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Force Dyad (Star Wars), Heavy Angst, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, So much angst, Space idiots, They hate each other but there’s only one bed, ask and you shall receive, the angst is strong with this one, the angsty counterpart to my other story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:48:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22999450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bai_solo/pseuds/bai_solo
Summary: The Force keeps connecting them despite their dislike for each other. They're trying to figure out their emotions, but every time they try to talk, the other seems to be out of range.That is, until they're stuck in a house together and are forced to figure everything out for themselves.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 14
Kudos: 58





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> nothing says chaotic energy like posting the first installment of a smutty fic at 3:14 am when you have to be up in a few hours :p you’re lucky i love y’all. I’ll add more tags to this when I’m on a computer, since the posting interface on ao3 mobile is a lot more difficult to use

No matter how hard she tried to ignore it, the Force kept connecting them.

And it was getting old.

Typically, their bond ignited while her mind happened to wander to him for a brief moment, as if it were knocking at a door and waiting for her to answer it.

But she didn’t want to answer it.

And yet it kept happening.

“You again.” That greeting was becoming a regular, almost daily occurrence.

“You’re always so disappointed to see me,” he observed, almost pouting. The smirk that twisted the corners of his lips upward made her blood boil.

“I don’t want to keep seeing you, and yet I can’t get rid of you,” she shot, focusing on fixing her broken saber. The task was difficult enough without Kylo distracting her.

“Maybe the Force is trying to tell you something.” She didn’t look at him, but she could hear the wry smile in his voice.

“And what would that be?” she asked, feigning interest while she tried to focus on her saber.

“Maybe it’s saying you made a mistake in not taking my hand,” he suggested casually with a hint of contempt.

“I really don’t think that’s the case,” she scoffed, refusing to meet his gaze. “Maybe it’s telling _you_ to join _me_.”

Her suggestion silenced him.

After a few minutes of silence, she glanced up to see if he’d disappeared, and to her surprise, he was still there. The look on his face said he’d been thinking hard about her comment.

“Would you even _want_ me to join you?”

The question caught her off guard, and she shocked her fingers as she fumbled with the cables of her lightsaber. She hadn’t thought about it before. And she sure as hell didn’t want to think about it right now.

“I’m not talking about this,” she grumbled, focusing her attention back on her saber. She couldn’t see him, but she felt his smirk before he disappeared.

She considered his question: would she want him to join her? Her immediate thought was no, of course that’s not what she wanted. But then she thought about it, and carefully weighed her options, and remembered how well they fought together in Snoke’s throne room, and thought about the way her fingers felt against his when they touched hands, and pictured the look on his face when he bared his soul to her and offered his hand, and she convinced herself. In spite of every thought she repeated in her mind, every lie she told herself, every falsehood she force-fed herself, she knew, deep down, she wanted them to be on the same side. She didn’t know which side, only that she wanted them to be allies, and it terrified her.

She resolved not to dwell on the idea any more that night if she could help it.

* * *

He sat in his quarters, in bed, leaning against the wall, fighting off a pounding headache. The stress of being Supreme Leader was getting to him, and migraines were becoming the new normal, especially after dealing with the incompetence of his subordinates all day. He rubbed his temples and breathed deeply, focusing on things that didn’t stress him out, things that didn’t need his constant direction, things that could take care of themselves.

“Again? Really?”

Her voice startled him, but he wasn’t surprised to see her. The visits were frequent, but less annoying. They offered something simple and mundane in his life, as opposed to the complexity of his new position.

“It’s almost like the Force is bringing us together until you don’t hate me anymore,”

he joked, a hint of a chuckle in his words.

The silence that hung between them was full of uncertainty. She wanted to speak, but didn’t know how to proceed.

“Are you unable to put a shirt on whenever the Force connects us?” she asked after a few moments, staring at the ground. He’d almost forgotten he was shirtless.

“I’m not just going to carry a shirt around with me in case the Force decides to connect us while I’m relaxing in my quarters,” he jeered with a smirk, hoping it would hide his embarrassment. He didn’t like being so exposed in front of anyone, especially the scavenger, but he couldn’t let her know that.

She already knew too much about the emotions he kept buried.

He focused his attention on Rey. She was clearly flustered, and... blushing? A flush of pale pink had spread across the bridge of her nose and on her cheeks, making her faint freckles stand out. Her hair was a mess, as usual, with wispy bits falling out of her three buns, sweat plastering a few wisps to her forehead. She was breathing hard and clenching her fists, and he wasn’t sure if it was because of what she’d been doing before they’d been connected, or because of the state she’d found him in.

He couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought.

The scavenger, _blushing_ , because of him.

“Stop laughing at me,” she growled, stalking over to him with her finger pointing towards him threateningly. Her embarrassment quickly turned to anger, and the closer she got, he genuinely thought she was going to hurt him, but then he remembered her saber was broken, so he relaxed. She pressed - more like jabbed - her finger into his chest, pushing him back against the wall. Her empty threat made him chuckle again.

“Or you’ll what?” he goaded. “You don’t have a lightsaber. You’re not a threat to me.”

She swallowed hard and allowed her gaze to travel downward, from his face to his broad shoulders to his scarred chest to his defined abdominal muscles (that he was flexing, but would never admit to it) and to the waist of his pants. Kylo sat, frozen in fear and awe and a little bit of arousal, unsure of what her next move would be.

Her eyes flicked back to his face for a moment, and she had a look in her eye he’d never seen before.

“You know I can take whatever I want.” Her voice was low and steady, and it absolutely terrified him. She reached for the waist of his pants and his breath caught in his throat.

With a movement too quick to react to, she pulled his saber from its place on his belt and jumped backwards, waving it tauntingly in front of him before she disappeared.

He let his head fall back against the wall and groaned.

The Supreme Leader, head of the First Order, had his weapon stolen from him because he’d been thinking with his dick.

***

Rey stood frozen, holding Kylo’s saber, trying to make sense of everything. She’d seen into his mind, even if for just a second, and felt more confused than she had since she got dragged into this war in the first place.

He was thinking about her in a way that made her blush deeply. A way she didn’t know anyone could feel about her.

Did he -?

“No.” She vocalized the word to stop herself from dwelling on it all. There was no time to take any feelings into consideration. They were fighting a war, for stars sake. Feelings don’t matter in war.

Except they did, and she knew she couldn’t lie to herself about it.

She’d sent herself to Kylo based on a feeling she had. A feeling that ultimately turned out to be wrong, but a feeling nonetheless.

There was no way she could be a true Jedi with all these feelings inside of her.

She sat down and leaned back against a tree, closing her eyes and breathing deeply, debating on whether she should sort out her feelings now or leave it for another time.

For now, she needed to figure out where to stash the saber so none of her comrades would find it, because that would lead to a series of questions she knew she wouldn’t be fond of answering.

* * *

Kylo awoke mid-slumber, which was unusual for him. His days were full enough that he always slept soundly whenever the time came. He closed his eyes again, trying to fall effortlessly back into sleep, but it was no use. His body had made the choice for him to stay awake.

He sat up and stretched before standing, shivering as the cold air kissed his skin, and wondered whether the Force would choose to connect them again while he was shirtless. He tiredly slumped over to the counter in his quarters to brew himself some tea that would hopefully ease his body back into the willingness to sleep.

As he waited for the water to boil, he thought of the scavenger. She was street smart and cunning, he’d give her that much. He remembered the way her eyes roamed over his exposed torso, and he shuddered. She was distracting him, but he could tell she really was marveling at him, and it made him feel _powerful_.

No one had ever looked at him like that, like they were admiring him, like they _desired_ him. The blood rushes to his head and his face felt hot, and it took him a lot longer than it should’ve to realize he was blushing while he thought about her.

The water was boiling, so he focused his attention on the tea instead of fantasizing about something that would never happen. He poured the scalding water into a mug before adding a scoop of tea leaves and honey, hoping this would keep him from thinking about -

He almost dropped his mug when he turned around.

The scavenger was there, in his bed, curled into the fetal position, breathing lightly as she slept.

He didn’t dare move. What was he supposed to do? She wasn’t actually there; that much was obvious. But she would wake up and be near him, or see him, and he knew how she’s react. He’d seen it before, and the memory of a blaster shot to his stomach made him wince.

Perhaps he could gently and carefully wake her up, and then their bond would disconnect, and he could sleep alone.

For a moment, he thought that maybe - just this once - he didn’t want to sleep alone.

But he knew she’d never allow that to happen.

He began to wonder if he’d ever experience the intimacy of sleeping, actually sleeping, with someone, when she stirred and a whimper barely escaped her lips.

“Ben.”

At first, he blamed it on his tiredness. He’d merely imagined her calling out his name - correction, former name - in her sleep.

There was no way.

The second time, it was louder, but almost strained. Almost _sexual_.

He prayed she wouldn’t wake up, because beads of cold perspiration had begun to form over his whole body. This _had_ to be a joke, he told himself over and over, but no matter how many times he repeated it, he didn’t believe it.

His steps over to his bed were featherlight and excruciatingly slow, not daring to make a sound. At some point, he’d begun holding his breath, and he didn’t realize he couldn’t breathe until he sat on his bed next to the scavenger, who was still mumbling amidst her dreams. To calm himself, he took a sip of his tea, and he absentmindedly reached down to move a lock of hair away from Rey’s face.

The touch woke her up, and she vanished.

But not before Kylo had seen what she was dreaming of.

***

She’d caught a glimpse, more like a flicker, of Kylo when she’d woken up, and it was only after he was gone that she realized he’d actually been there.

Maybe not there, but present while she -

“Oh _kriff_ ,” she whispered. Her chest felt like her breath had been stolen right from her lungs when she realized what she’d been dreaming about, and how he’d probably seen into her dreams.

She thought back to her dream, and the embarrassment washed over her, wave after wave, until she felt like she was drowning.

Drowning would be preferable to dealing with this situation.

She’d dreamt of - Ben? Kylo? She wasn’t sure, but it didn’t matter much. They’d been fighting, sabers clashing against each other, their footwork resembling a dance. The blades met with a shower of sparks, blue and red melting seamlessly together into a purple glow. She pushed her blade towards him with a step forward, and he reciprocated, and they were close, _so close_ to each other. She felt the heat of their sabers - or was it his breath? - against her cheek, and his eyes blazed in the light, and gods they were a beautiful amber brown and she’d somehow never noticed.

He caught the softening of her eyes and his pressure against her relented, and so did hers, but they stayed close to each other, and she knew they were both resisting the same urge. He was a gentleman, but she was a scavenger, taking what she could when she could get it, and kissed him hungrily, surprising both of them in the best way. He grabbed her waist and pulled her against him, and she’d gasped in her dream and again in real time as she remembered the sensation of their bodies pressed against each other. She reached up to grab his neck and he lifted her off the ground and she wrapped her legs around his waist and he groaned, and then she’d woken up because he touched her hair and now she was awake and tired and horny.

She covered her face with her hands and made a noise somewhere between a groan and a scream, and she cursed their Force bond for the thousandth time.

She cursed it for ruining a dream she couldn’t get back.

And she cursed it for refusing to connect them now.

* * *

Their bond had been painfully silent, and it was deafening. When he sat alone in his quarters, all he did was think of her, and yet she remained out of range.

He’d been picking apart her dream and analyzed it and dwelled on it and _craved_ it, and it’s like she showed him the dream to taunt him, to dangle her desire in front of him before pulling it away and acting like it never happened.

She also still had his saber, and he was beginning to miss it.

The debriefing he was forced to sit in on was like watching paint dry. Hux’s voice was far too enthusiastic for the subject at hand, and he considered Force-choking him to get him to just shut up. Hux was a power-hungry tyrant who’d never had any control over his life until he quickly moved up in ranking in the First Order, and Kylo often wondered if Hux would kill him if given the chance.

It wouldn’t surprise him if he did.

The droning of monotone voices threatened to lull him to sleep, until a familiar spark flickered in his mind, causing him to sit up a little straighter.

It was Rey.

Kylo stood abruptly, knocking his chair over, and stormed out of the conference room to his quarters. Hux called after him, but Kylo ignored his questions, desperate to see her after a week and a half of radio silence.

She jumped when he entered his quarters in a hurry, and she drew her newly-fixed saber on him. When she realized it was only him, she retracted it and visibly allowed the tension in her body to dissipate.

She seemed… relieved to see him.

His heart skipped a beat, and he wanted to throw himself into the vacuum of space when he realized it. He contorted his face into something resembling a frown and furrowed brow, and she seemed confused.

“You look unhappy to see me,” she observed, studying his face. He turned away from her; the intensity in her gaze made him uncomfortable. If she looked too long, she’d see everything he hated about himself. 

“Long day,” he grumbled, even though he was actually pleased to see her again. The last week and a half had gone from uneventful to just plain lonely without her appearing every day or two.

“Is being the Supreme Leader not all it’s cracked up to be?” Her words were thick with sarcasm. He turned to look at her, his intention originally to glare at her for making light of his job, but his eyes softened when he saw her hair was free from the buns she usually wore and half of it tied up, like it had been when they’d fought Snoke’s guards.

The memory sent a pang of emotion through his heart. He was so tired of feeling anything at all, especially when his feelings involved her.

She followed his train of thought, unbeknownst to him, and grew self-conscious about her appearance, looking away from him and tucking her flyaway hairs behind her ears as best she could. He noticed her reaction and hid his panic by turning away again, acting like it was for dramatic effect.

“It’s not, actually,” he admitted, his deep voice cutting through the silence and awkwardness. “It would be much more enjoyable if I had someone to rule alongside me.”

Her anger was palpable even though she was silent. He glanced over his shoulder after a minute to see her face, to see the familiar scrunch of her nose and her fiery eyes, but was met with something quite unexpected.

She was crying.

“Why do you always have to bring that up?” she demanded, her voice shaking. “I’ll never join the First Order. If that’s the only reason you keep popping up everywhere I turn, then just –“ she fumbled over the words she was looking for, as if she were rifling through a chest full of them, searching for the right one and tossing aside the rest.

“Then just _fuck off_ ,” she spat, a ragged breath wracking her body before she disappeared.

The words had dealt a blow he was ill-prepared for. They’d hurt him to hear, and they’d hurt her to speak, and he wished she would’ve just shot him with her blaster instead.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, I really wasn’t expecting THIS much of a response. y’all are horny af and I love it

Her tears surprised her, but they made sense when she thought about them. She hadn’t seen him for a week and a half, and at first she was relieved to be connected again, but he seemed so disappointed to see her, and then he was thinking about her hair, and then he brought up joining him _again_ , and it was all too much. The emotions plummeted down all at once and she couldn’t stop them.

She just wanted him to be Ben.

She’d seen Ben, if only for a handful of moments, but those moments had been enough to see his character. Ben was caring and selfless and protective, and that’s what she needed.

But he was Kylo Ren, selfish and arrogant and confusing, and she hated him for it.

She hated herself for feeling so much over someone who shouldn’t even matter to her. She dreamt of him almost every night; if her dreams weren’t solely about him, he appeared in them in passing. She would always jerk herself awake, afraid he’d be able to see into her dreams again, but the Force hadn’t betrayed her again. At least not yet.

Rey pulled his saber out from under her bed and ignited it. The red glow brought a strange comfort to her, and at first she was afraid of the feeling, but she bathed in the comfort instead, not asking questions or needing answers, but just existing for a moment without having to explain herself to anyone.

The Force hummed around her, and she asked – no, begged – for answers. She didn’t know what questions she wanted answers for; all she knew is that she had to make sense of everything, one piece at a time, or she would crack.

Instantly, she received her answer. She retracted the blade and packed a handful of things to take with her before setting out towards the forest surrounding the Resistance base.

The Force urged her to surround herself in nature, and that’s what she was going to do.

* * *

When he awoke mid-dream, he was breathing heavily. He sat up and whipped his head around his quarters, searching for her, only to find he was alone, and that she’d been part of his dream. The disappointment stole the breath from his chest and he slumped over, rubbing his face with his hands, wishing he could shake the memory of what he’d dreamt of so he could just go back to sleep.

Even in his sleep, he was at her mercy. 

He stood and made his way over to the window in his quarters, allowing the vastness of the galaxy to fill his mind and push away the thoughts of her. He didn’t _want_ to dwell on the way she looked at him in the dream. He didn’t _want_ to remember the way her lips felt against his. He didn’t _want_ to reminisce on her climbing onto his lap and running her hands down his bare chest. The memory of the sensation gave him chills, and he shuddered at the thought and at himself for wanting it so badly.

He leaned against the wall, pressing his forehead against the cold steel in hopes it would stop him from sweating. Part of him considered bashing his head into the wall, but he thought better of it. He turned back towards his bed, and to his delight and dismay, he saw the scavenger sitting sleepily on the floor, rubbing her eyes. When she saw him, she visibly started and grabbed for any weapon close to her.

“Did you do this on purpose?” she demanded, scrambling to cover herself. He tried not to look, but his gaze lingered long enough to make her self-conscious and angry.

She was topless, with only a worn piece of fabric wrapped around her torso to bind her breasts.

“Why the hell would I wake up in the middle of the night just so the Force would connect us?” he shot, annoyed and amused at her question. “I have more important things to do than flirt with you when I could be sleeping.”

He hadn’t mean for it to sound so harsh, but he couldn’t back down now. Her rage was like a tidal wave, and he was the sole target.

She stood up and hurled his saber at him, and he almost didn’t catch it. The hilt smacked against his stomach and he cursed on its impact, fumbling with it before igniting the blade to defend himself against Rey’s fury-fueled blow with her newly-mended saber.

He noticed she’d managed to throw on a cloak over her exposed torso, and he cursed himself for thinking that this look was almost sexier than her breast wrap alone. Gods, why was he such an idiot around her?

She sensed his distraction and kicked his legs out from under him, and he landed on the cold floor with a thud and a string of curses. The heat of her saber so close to his face made him sweat, and he dropped his saber after retracting it, holding his hands up in defeat, praying that she would relent and stop trying to kill him.

“I didn’t mean for it to come out like that,” he offered, keeping his hands held up. “Your question just caught me off guard.”

She looked confused. “So… you didn’t do that on purpose?” she questioned, relaxing her stance ever so slightly.

“I don’t even know what the kriff you’re talking about, but no, I didn’t,” he admitted, annoyance creeping into his tone. “I was asleep seconds before you appeared.”

Her body tensed up again, and he kicked himself for noticing the way her abdominal muscles tightened before she invaded his mind, leaving him completely helpless and completely at her mercy.

***

The look in his eyes only fueled her dive into the depths of his thoughts. There was no way he hadn’t had something to do with them being connected for the second time while she dreamt of him. He was obviously lying to her, so she was going to pluck the information from his mind.

She didn’t know what she was expecting to see, but she wasn’t prepared for it.

It seemed they’d been dreaming the very same thing.

She focused on his memory of the dream, and she stumbled upon his thoughts about her choice of dress – or lack thereof – and she jumped out of his mind, drawing the cloak around her body to keep her skin out of his line of sight. Her cheeks were getting hot, so she turned away to keep him from noticing. Somehow, even after she bested him in battle again, he was still winning.

“Why does this keeps happening?” she demanded, projecting her voice so he wouldn’t hear the quiver in it. “How can we stop it?” Her second question was much softer and more unsure than her first. _As if I want to stop it,_ she thought, without realizing her mind was fully open to him. “And I swear to the Maker, if you say we can only stop it by me joining the First Order –”

“I wasn’t going to suggest that again,” he shot, his voice strained. He’d just woken up, and his voice sounded raspy and deeper than usual, and she thought about how she could listen to him talk for hours before chastising herself and bringing her mind back to the matter at hand. He cut her off before she could speak again.

“From the looks of it, you don’t even want it to stop.” His words stoked a building fire inside of her. He knew exactly how to piss her off. She spun around, fists balled, ready to punch him, but his face was so much softer than she’d expected it to be. She was prepared for that godforsaken smirk, but his eyes were vulnerable and his lips twitched before he continued. “I know I don’t want it to stop.”

He disappeared before she could process what he’d said. She stood alone in the woods of Ajan Kloss, insects buzzing around her, and allowed the droning of the night noises to fill her mind while she picked everything apart.

He didn’t want it to stop.

Neither did she.

So where did that leave them?

She sat – more like flopped – onto the ground outside her tent and crawled into her makeshift shelter. Her arms felt weak and her legs almost refused to propel her forward. She wasn’t even physically tired; the weight of the emotion she’d allowed to build up was crushing her. There was no way she could put this off any longer.

* * *

He hadn’t slept for the rest of the night. She’d been on his mind too much for him to get any sort of rest. He replayed the look on her face over and over when he’d told her he didn’t want it to stop, and still couldn’t decipher it after the thousandth time. All he wanted to do was forget he’d ever allowed her to see between the cracks, because it was so easy to be open with her now that she’d seen his true self.

He shook his head angrily.

No. Kylo Ren _was_ his true self. She’d seen the remains of someone he hadn’t been in years.

He rubbed his bloodshot eyes before dressing himself and begrudgingly making his way to a conference room, unprepared to deal with whatever mission briefing Hux would be giving today. He didn’t have the patience for this, especially after such little sleep, but he still had to play the part.

When he arrived, everyone paused to look at him. He sensed their unease first, then their… curiosity? Concern? Contempt? He couldn’t tell, but he knew it had to deal with his appearance. His insecurities mounted, and he cursed himself for ever smashing his mask in the first place.

“Ah. Supreme Leader,” Hux said with a sneer. “So glad you could join us. I’m just finishing the mission briefing.”

“Don’t stop on my account,” Kylo sneered back. “By all means, continue.”

The droning of Hux’s voice threatened to put him to sleep. He couldn’t help but let a yawn slip through his lips, which didn’t go unnoticed by his subordinates. The thought of having to listen to Hux give mission briefings and debriefings for the rest of his life made him want to eat glass.

He wasn’t sure if it was the lack of sleep, or Hux’s voice, or the judgmental glances, but suddenly it all just clicked for him.

_I can’t do this anymore._

The thought panicked him at first. If he wasn’t doing this, then what could he do? It wasn’t like he could just leave, as if this were a day job he was fed up with. The tentacles of the First Order were wrapped tightly around his life. But the longer he thought about it, the more sense it made, and maybe it was the lack of sleep talking, but he swore he’d never set foot back on his Destroyer after today was over. After he talked himself through his realization, he found an unnerving peace about it all.

“Anything to add, Supreme Leader?”

The question startled him back to the present, but he played it off by shaking his head and dismissing everyone. Hux hung back, as he often did to grovel a bit before returning to his post.

“I’ll be taking my ship to the southern part of the Outer Rim to do some scouting for the Resistance base.” Kylo didn’t know where the lie had come from, only that he knew he had to stick with it until he was out of here. Lying had never been his strong suit, since he’d been surrounded by other Force users his whole life, but he found lying came quite easily to him when he was face to face with someone he loathed so deeply.

“Would you like me to assemble a team -“ Hux didn’t have a chance to finish before Kylo held up his hand, cutting him off.

“No need. I can do this alone.” He couldn’t have anyone there to fuck up his plan. Hux’s face was riddled with confusion, but Kylo turned away and returned to his quarters to pack a few things. He didn’t even hesitate when he left his quarters for the last time.

He thanked the Force for connecting him with Rey last night, because had she not appeared to him, he wouldn’t have gotten his saber back. The hilt weighed his belt down a bit, and he felt much more secure than he had over the last two weeks with his weapon of choice on his hip.

The sight of his ship sent a wave of nerves shooting through his limbs, and he wasn’t sure if he was excited or afraid. He’d sort of worked through a plan, but his memory of one of his mother’s many houses that he visited in his childhood was hazy at best. He knew he could find it with the help of his navigation system and that he wouldn’t have to solely rely on his memory, which eased his nerves a bit.

His cockpit was one of the only places he could go where he felt at ease. Flying was second nature to him, and being among the stars made him feel a lot less fucked up. He didn’t look back at anyone in the hangar as he took off with Bespin in mind to lay low in one of his mother’s various houses throughout the galaxy.

* * *

“Rey.”

The use of her name in such an unexpectedly harsh way brought her crashing back to reality. Poe was leaning over the table, sweat dripping down his face, almost glaring at her because she’d zoned out again.

“Sorry,” she muttered. “Haven’t been getting much sleep lately.”

She knew he was about to lay into her about daydreaming in meeting again, but Leia stopped him by dismissing him and everyone else in the room with a vague ending of the meeting. Her excuse wasn’t an excuse – she really hadn’t been sleeping much since her night alone in the woods. She’d been dwelling on Kylo’s confession and trying to make sense of everything she was feeling and what she’d seen in his mind, and the more she tried to unravel his feelings from her own, the more tangled they became.

Rey hadn’t talked to anyone about her bond with Kylo, but if anyone could sense that something was wrong, it was Leia, and it terrified her. She couldn’t make eye contact with the general, but she felt Leia’s eyes burning holes in her skull.

“I’m sending you on a mission,” Leia said after an uncomfortably long silence. Rey modded silently and awaited further instruction. “The mission is to go somewhere and relax and get some damn sleep. I can’t have our best soldier falling asleep on the battlefield or in the cockpit.”

“I’m sorry?” Rey gaped at the general. This conversation was not going where she’d been expecting it to.

“You heard me,” Leia said dismissively, rising from her seat next to Rey and waving her hand in the air. “You don’t have to tell me what’s going on, but I know when a girl needs a vacation, and you needed one yesterday.”

“But the Resistance needs me,” Rey protested, still shocked and unable to comprehend where Leia was going with this.

“You’re no good to us if you’re burnt out, Rey,” Leia replied, softening her voice and her gaze. “War takes a toll on us all. I don’t want you to feel like you’re carrying this army. We’ll be fine if you take a few days to yourself.”

“B-but where would I go?” Rey asked, panic seeping into her voice. She had little knowledge of the galaxy and could only think of two planets she’d spent any amount of time on, both of which she wasn’t too keen on returning to any time soon.

Leia rested a hand on Rey’s shoulder. “I have a place in mind,” she assured. “Han and I used to stay on Bespin quite often. So often that we decided to purchase a permanent residence there. It’s not much, but it’s enough for you to get some much needed rest and relaxation.”

Rey took a deep breath and nodded, taking in Leia’s plan. Getting away from base would probably be a good idea, especially if she was able to stay in Leia’s house that would no doubt be full of food and amenities and luxuries she’d never dream of having access to otherwise.

“Pack what you need. You leave immediately,” Leia told her with a smile that bordered on a smirk. The way her lips turned up at one corner reminded her so much of Kylo, and a twinge of discomfort shot through her chest, as it often had been whenever she’d thought of him over the last few days.

The Force hadn’t chosen to connect them since that night, and she was relieved. Of course, she missed his company, but she couldn’t face him until she’d made sense of everything.

She knew if she saw him, especially now, everything would be significantly more confusing for her.

The dreams she’d been having _definitely_ weren’t helping matters either.

Leia dismisses Rey to pack her things, and she ran off to her quarters, eager to get away from things, even if only for a few days.

Deep down, underneath the heap of emotion and confusion, she hoped that her time away would clear her mind and open her up to the Force so she’d connect with Kylo again. She needed to talk to him about… well, whatever _this_ was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh NO, they’re BOTH going to the SAME PLACE, WHAT will happen????? 
> 
> If you’re interested in a much softer story with a lot more chapters, check out my other story Killing the Past! I originally started this story to get my creative juices flowing when I had writers block for killing the past, and I never intended to post this one, but my wonderful friends on discord encouraged me to do so <3 
> 
> I also have social media! twitter and insta are bai_solo, and tumblr is bai-solo


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last few weeks have been crazy, so i apologize for the lack of updates. this chapter is more for story development BUT contains some spicy content, and it’ll just keep getting better so you’re welcome

Kylo guided his ship into the hangar he’d run around in when he was a child, and a pang of guilt rushed through his chest as he remembered his parents in this house so sharply contrasted to them now. Regret pooled in his stomach, and it completely filled his insides and drowned every organ in his body. He felt tears collecting in his eyes and clouding his eyesight, and at that moment he couldn’t remember the last time he actually cried.

_No_ , he told himself. He wasn’t going to cry. At least not yet. He’d come here to get away from everything, not to dwell on every decision he’d made to bring him to this point in life.

He pushed himself out of the cockpit, eager to stretch his legs after the twelve or more hours he’d been in the _Silencer_. He’d headed in one direction to throw off any First Order generals observing the tracker on his ship before disabling the tracker and heading towards Bespin. The seemingly endless journey left his mind to wander to his favorite thing to think about, and he kicked himself yet again as he replayed the last conversation he had with the scavenger.

“Why can’t you just be _normal_ around her,” he chastised himself as he closed the hangar and pushed through the door into the house. Not much had changed in the way of décor; he could tell no one had set foot in here in months, maybe even years. A fine layer of dust had settled over the furniture, and he considered setting to work to clean it, but his body begged him to _just relax._

He scanned the kitchen and noticed a bottle of amber-colored liquor on the counter. His father always kept a bottle of Corellian whiskey at whatever house they were staying at. “For emergencies only,” he’d joke before cracking it open and taking a swig. Kylo twisted the lid off the bottle and considered his situation: he’d killed his father and his former master, defected from the First Order, had nowhere to go, and the only person he could trust was out of range yet again, but would he even _want_ to talk to her if the Force chose to connect them?

_Of course_ he would. He _always_ wanted to talk to her.

“Sounds like enough of an emergency to me,” he observed with a sardonic chuckle before taking a drawn-out swig of the liquor. It tasted much worse than he’d imagined and it burned his throat as he choked it down. He hadn’t drank anything in his lifetime other than an occasional glass of wine with dinner in his quarters. The wines he preferred were drier (usually the serving droid on the Silencer would bring a glass of Merlot from the vineyards of Naboo) and a lot less strong than this whiskey, but this was all he had, and he planned to make the best of it.

The second swig went down much easier than the initial one as he flung himself onto the couch, spilling a little bit of whiskey onto the cream fabric. What would his mother think if she saw him disrespecting her house like this?

A third swig, and any thought of his mother was chased away.

After the tenth – or was it the twelfth? – swig of whiskey, Kylo Ren was sufficiently drunk. He’d never been drunk before, and the sensation appealed to him greatly. He could function without thinking of everything he regretted.

“I should probably stop now,” he slurred. That was his last clear thought, and it was cut short by his next swig.

He sat slumped on the couch and ran his hands through his black curls, a wave of heat rushing over his face. He was suddenly hyper-aware that his face felt feverish and hot, as did the upper half of his body, so he struggled to pull his shirt off and toss it somewhere behind him.

“If only Rey could see me now,” he laughed, wondering how she’d feel about him being drunk _and_ shirtless.

He sat up and focused whatever brain cells he had left on the Force, on the connection, on Rey, and to his surprise, he felt the familiar prickle in the back of his mind, and there she stood, in all her beauty, in the middle of the living room.

Kylo couldn’t keep the smile from spreading across his lips.

“Why do you look so happy?” she shot, much more angry than he was anticipating.

He held up the bottle in response, and her eyes widened and her eyebrows raised and stars _why_ did she look so pretty when she was looking at him like that?

“So you’re drunk.” Her voice had softened and he saw a smirk turning up the corner of her mouth. He nodded in response to her question and the room began to spin.

“I am, _so_ drunk,” he confirmed, holding his head in between his hands as if that would stop the room from spinning.

She lessened the gap between them and stood in front of him menacingly, arms crossed, doing her best to glare at him, but it wasn’t working. Even in his drunken state, he could sense she wasn’t actually mad.

“Tell me what you meant the other day when you said you didn’t want this to stop.”

***

Her question really seemed to throw him for a loop. He stared up at her with soft brown eyes that couldn’t stay focused, and her heart leapt, but she didn’t allow her gaze to falter.

She needed an answer.

He seemed to consider her question carefully before proceeding with his response.

“Everything in my life just takes so much effort,” he began, focusing extra hard on the words he was speaking. “Y-you’re the only thing in my life that comes easy. I don’t want these meetings to stop because –” a groan, followed by a curse – “because you’re the only person left in this galaxy that can understand me. Not to mention, you’re really pretty, and I miss you whenever a long time passes between these meetings.”

Rey stood frozen, arms still crossed in front of her, hoping he was too drunk to notice how much she was blushing. Her mind was scrambling for a response, and part of her hoped they’d be disconnected before she could offer one. Of course she missed him too when they weren’t connected for days a time, and gods she thought he was beautiful, but could she bring herself to tell him that? She definitely wouldn’t be able to, not with him being Supreme Leader of the First Order.

Her thoughts were cut short when he stood and wobbled a bit before flopping back down onto the couch, covering his eyes and cursing the spinning room.

“I really shouldn’t have told you that,” he groaned, keeping his eyes closed. “Maybe I should drink some more and forget this conversation altogether.” He reaches down to pick up the bottle, and she reached to stop him, but he disappeared before she could grab the liquor from him.

She was alone in the cockpit of the Falcon, somewhere she’d been by herself many times before, but now it felt so much lonelier. She knew it was because she missed him, but she wasn’t ready to fully admit it to herself or anyone else.

“Six hours to Bespin,” she whispered, dreading the journey that loomed ahead. She could use light speed to cut the journey short, but there was no hurry or sense of urgency. Her time alone on the Falcon gave her an excuse to study the Jedi texts she’d stolen from the temple on Ahch-To, even though they were boring at best.

Better to occupy herself with something mundane, than to constantly be questioning everything that crossed her mind.

Reading the texts proved to be much more difficult than she’d expected. Every page and a half she would nod off, her body begging for sleep. She fought her tiredness at first, but her tiredness won, and she dozed off in the cockpit.

Up until now, her dreams of him had been fairly tame. Still sexual, but nothing ever went further than passionate make out sessions because she’d usually jolt awake, scared she’d be found out by him again. 

This time, she was far too tired to wake herself up out of fear, and _stars_ , did her mind run wild. He was kissing her lips and neck and shoulders hungrily, his teeth and tongue grazing her skin as he adorned her with his affection. She was tugging his shirt off over his head, and he slipped her tunic off her shoulders and tossed her belt to the side. He pushed her back onto the bed and pulled her pants off, marveling at her exposed body before he dropped his pants to his ankles – _wow_ , he was well-endowed – and slipped his cock inside her, eliciting a moan from both of them.

An alarm sounded to signal Rey was approaching her destination, and it scared her out of her slumber, causing her to fall out of her seat and knock her head against the control panel. She groaned and pulled herself back into her seat, rubbing the bruise on her head that was already beginning to form while she guided the Falcon to the top of Leia’s house, settling the ship on a landing pad. The orange clouds surrounding it made her feel like she was in heaven, if such a thing existed.

She wasted no time leaving the ship, eager to explore and perhaps relieve some of the tension that had been building in her mind and between her thighs ever since she started having those damned dreams. There weren’t many opportunities on base for her to masturbate since the base was small and her comrades often barged in without knocking. Nothing would be worse than to be caught in a compromising position and have to explain she was thinking about the Supreme Leader while she touched herself.

Rey slowly descended the stairs that led to the living room of the house, her mind occupied with the memory of her dream. Part of her thought it would be weird to please herself in someone’s house that wasn’t her own, but she dismissed the thought quickly. She was far too flustered to keep from relieving herself from the self-inflicted sexual tension.

The house was beautiful, but she didn’t have time to dwell on the décor. She shed her pants and kicked them off, leaving them in the doorway of the master bedroom. She jumped onto the mattress, not even bothering to burrow into the blankets, and leaned back against the mountain of decorative pillows adorning the bed. Rey sighed and closed her eyes, thinking back to the dream she’d had while her fingers slipped into her underwear.

She hated herself for this. She hated how good it felt to touch herself and imagine it was Kylo’s fingers instead of her own. She hated the fantasies that played behind her eyelids and she hated how wet they made her. But she hated him the most, for being so enticing when she knew she could never have him, for driving her crazy with those dreams and glimpses into his mind as he thought about her.

She knew she was close to an orgasm by the familiar sensation building in the pit of her stomach, and the thought of being fucked by the Supreme Leader while he restrained her wrists with one hand and choked her with the other is what sent her over the edge, her legs shaking and quiet moans escaping from between her lips as she came. Her eyes fluttered opened and she rolled them at herself, self-loathing quickly replacing the arousal that had been there seconds before.

She was wondering when she decided that being choked during sex was something she wanted when she heard a shaky, familiar voice.

“Rey?”

_Shit_ , she thought, scrambling off the bed and summoning her pants with the Force. Out of all times, they’d be connected now? She supposed it made sense, since she’d been thinking about him, but it still frustrated her. She stepped into her pants and shimmied them up her legs quickly as she walked through the door to the living room. Kylo stood – shirtless, of course – looking very hungover and disheveled, rubbing his eyes to wake himself up.

“Were you just putting your pants back on?” he asked, his voice raspy. She tried to play it cool, but there was no doubt he’d be able to see her blushing.

“I was just making myself comfortable,” she yawned, hoping it would conceal her half-lie. She kept her mind shut like a steel trap, refusing to let him see what she’d just been thinking of or doing. “I didn’t think I’d have company.”

Kylo nodded in understanding, rubbing his temples to chase away the hangover. He looked like he felt horrible. Rey couldn’t help but chuckle at the state he was in: shirtless, hair a mess, pants undone and barely hanging onto his hips. She felt a wave of arousal swell in her chest, but she pushed it away and doubled down on protecting her thoughts from being invaded.

“I feel like you want to talk, but this isn’t a great time,” he groaned from behind his hands that were covering his eyes from the sunlight. “We can discuss whatever you plan to bring up later.”

“Later when you feel less hungover?” she teased, smirking at him. She remembered how far gone he’d been when the Force connected them, and she gathered he’d only gotten drunker after they were disconnected.

Kylo nodded slowly in response to her question before turning and walking away, disappearing around the corner. She noticed their Force meetings were becoming more controlled, where one could summon the other and disconnect the bond as well, which was a relief. The ever-present fear of being connected when one of them was in a compromising position was dwindling.

Rey turned back towards the bedroom, rubbing her eyes and yawning again, eager to sleep on a mattress that wasn’t hard as a rock. This time, she tossed the decorative pillows to the floor and peeled back the layers of blankets and sheets, instead of lying down on top of them. The bed enveloped her and she sighed, eager for the nap she was about to take. She began to wonder how the conversation with Kylo would go when they were reconnected, but she didn’t dwell on it much before she was fast asleep.

* * *

He’d never felt this awful in his life.

The headache was growing worse by the second while he lazily kicked off his remaining clothes and waited for the shower to warm up. His stomach lurched, and he flung the lid of the toilet opened to vomit, praying to whatever entity was listening that Rey wouldn’t materialize via Force bond and see him in this state.

She’d already seen him in too many compromising positions.

He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, relieved his stomach was no longer upset but disheartened that his headache was now much worse. He vowed never to drink again, as his father often would after a particularly nasty drinking spell that usually ended in a fight with whoever was closest. Even though he hadn’t fought anyone, he was kicking himself for telling Rey whatever he’d said while he was still semi-coherent. He wracked his brain, grasping at the bits he remembered between the gulps of whiskey, trying to force himself to remember what he’d told her, but it was no use.

“Perhaps that’s for the best,” he grumbled as he stepped into the shower, trying to empty his mind and focus on the hot water cascading down his body.

The shower was an antidote for his hangover, his headache slowly dissipating until it was no more than a slight discomfort behind his eyes. He shifted his focus from his hangover to Rey; at first, he was simply trying to remember what he’d told her the night before. He remembered how she tried to hold her gaze steady, but her emotions ultimately betrayed her, and she blushed. That memory led his thoughts to how cute she looked when she blushed, and he started thinking of other things he could say (and do) to make her blush, and before he knew it, he was hard.

This was something he’d grown accustomed to recently. At first, his body’s biology betraying him in such an inconvenient way was an annoyance, but he soon came to enjoy the times he could take to himself while thinking of Rey. He blamed his fantasies of her on the fact that she was one of the only women in his life, but he enjoyed them thoroughly nonetheless, taking inspiration from the dreams they’d shared and the sight of her topless.

Kylo wrapped his fingers around his cock and slid his hand up and down its length, slowly at first but quickly increasing his speed. He imagined Rey on her knees in front of him, her lips wrapped around his length, bobbing her head up and down while she moved her hand in the same fashion. A near-silent moan slipped past his lips as he thought about her giving him head, a fantasy he was almost ashamed to admit he’d had since they’d met. He envisioned her hazel eyes meeting his gaze, her mouth occupied by his cock, his hands balled into fists gripping her hair, and he knew he was close. His pace stayed steady and he found his release, imagining he was cumming all over Rey’s pretty little lips, watching his cum drip down her chin onto her bare chest. The mental image was enough to get him hard again if he thought too intently about it.

He peeked out past the shower curtain, making sure Rey hadn’t witnessed his self-pleasure session. A fleeting thought crossed his mind – perhaps if they had been connected, she would be into it and offer to help him finish the job – but he knew that was impossible.

She hated him.

And for good reason.

He summoned the only towel he could find to dry himself before tying it around his waist. His appearance in the fogged mirror made him grimace; he looked worse than normal. Blueish purple bags hung under his eyes, drawing attention to the area of his face he hated most. He’d always thought his eyes seemed squinty. He turned to the side for a second, mentally scrutinizing his too-large nose before turning back to look at his reflection straight-on. The scar drew even more attention to his oddly-placed moles. He hadn’t brought anything to shave his face with, and his stubble was starting to come in, framing his overly-plump lips with a slight shadow.

He sighed regretfully.

Even if there was a slight chance Rey could even possibly be interested in him, he knew there would be no way she could see past his appearance to be attracted to him. Yes, she’d admired his body, but not his face.

He felt ugly, in every sense of the word.

After picking apart every aspect of his appearance, he threw on the pants he’d worn last night and a loose-fitting black shirt before setting out in search of a bed. He’d slept on the floor in his old room the night before, which was horribly uncomfortable. The bed his parents would always sleep in was huge, much larger than the bed in his now-former quarters. He pushed through the door to their room, eager for sleep, but disappointment replaced his excitement.

Rey appeared to be asleep on the bed.

Of course, she wasn’t _actually_ on the bed. She was on her own bed on whatever planet the Resistance base was on, and she was snoring softly. The quiet inhale-exhale made Kylo chuckle.

He considered sleeping on the couch. He _should_ sleep on the couch, but the bed looked so inviting, especially with Rey in it. She was on the very edge of one side of the bed, so it’s not like they’d be crowding each other. It’s also not like she’d still be there when he woke up, even if he wanted her to be.

He abandoned any caution he should’ve had about the situation and shimmied between the sheets, carefully so he wouldn’t wake up the other half of the dyad. She stirred, and he froze until she settled back into a deep sleep, sighing dreamily and causing Kylo’s heart to melt.

She was just so fucking adorable.

He groaned in his head, hating how much of an effect she had on him, before clearing his mind and settling into the best sleep he’d gotten in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god they’re so stupid, I CANT GET ENOUGH OF IT and I hope you can’t either

**Author's Note:**

> damn Rey and Kylo are both horny virgins but are we surprised at all? nah


End file.
